Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Dog Days of Summer

In my opinion, this is the worst time of summer. It is so hot outside you could fry an egg on the pavement. You have to water the yard twice a day (Or maybe you don't. "No, it is called Kentucky brown grass. It is supposed to look like that.") Your power bill is on the same level as the gross national product. (I swear the thermostat was set at 78....ok, 72.) For some reason this is the time of year my children want to be outside every minute of every day. For goodness sake, the heat index is 10,000 degrees! Well, not really but it sure feels like it.

I don't remember it being this hot when I was a kid. I think children have some supreme force of will going on. "School is out, and I am enjoying every second of it." (Even if they are vomiting from heat exhaustion.) It is like they force themselves to not feel the heat. Meanwhile, their poor parents are beet red and losing gallons of water in sweat. (Ew, who's the red, sweaty lady screaming at those kids?) Yeah, that was me...begging my kids to at least let me die in the air conditioning.

These are the days when we think, "I would so love a twenty below zero wind chill right now." Seriously, can we arrange one of those? Remind me of this moment in about six months. It is really too bad that adults can't live in their swimming suits like our children do. Somehow I think my neighbors might find it odd if I walk around in a bikini all the time. (Did you hear about Jessica, the heat has made her crazy, bless her heart.) Our kids get to run through sprinklers, swim in the pool, have water gun/balloon fights, and we adults look at them with envy.

Really, what is wrong with slapping on a swimsuit and having some fun in the water? Absolutely nothing. So you spend more time at the Dairy Queen than at a gym. Who cares? (Well... you obviously, but who else?) If your neighbors look at you strangely, maybe tilt your head to the side a little and drool. (Oh look, Jessica is crazy from the heat again....poor woman.) Meanwhile, you and your kids are having the most fun you've had together in a long time.

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