Friday, July 12, 2013

Snarky Gandhi Cat

I am not good at this whole blogging thing. I'm just not. I am cool with that. The last time I blogged my mother told me that it seemed like I was angry with the world. Well, that got me down. I quit blogging (Which I really enjoyed. Sorry, Mom, it is true.) and tried to figure out why I was so pissed at the world (if I was in fact pissed at the world). I have come to a few conclusions.

1. I am not pissed at the world. I simply suffer from a lot of extra time and I am EASILY irritated. If something annoys me, I have been known to fly off the handle and rant about it. Like ombre, for example. I hate it. That stuff is everywhere. Hair, clothing, shoes, makeup, FOOD. Who has time to dye twelve hundred shades of blue frosting for one freaking cake? Well, actually I probably would, but why in God's name would I want to?

2. This kind of goes hand in hand with being easily irritated. I'm cranky. I am like a cat. I am happy for short bursts of time. During these times, I bounce around and pounce on various things. I play and make things. The rest of the time I like to nap in a sunbeam and I will bite you if you bother me. I also can't be bothered to pretend that I am in a good mood. I am who I am. And who I am is cranky. Sometimes. Let's not forget the spontaneous bursts of incandescent happiness and joy. I think my husband lives in fear of these moments of glee because anything can happen. ANYTHING.

3. While I am cranky and easily irritated, I am really non-confrontational. I am like a snarky Gandhi. My basic domestic policy is "You all annoy me. Why can't we all just get along?".  I dislike it when the kids fight because they are loud and fighting makes me nervous. I came from a big family. Big families have lots of disagreements because there are just so many people. Everyone is shouting and the parents are trying to keep people from killing each other. I just wanted to go to my room and read a book. I am still like this.

4. While I love my children, for the most part I just want some peace and quiet. Kids are so loud. Actually after spending some time at the pool with my girls this summer I have come to realize my kids aren't so bad. Kids are just loud, evil minions in general. I thank my lucky stars we didn't have three boys instead of three girls. My girls might be loud, but most of the boys I have met are loud and destructive. At least this is how I feel now. I will probably change my tone in about ten years. Three teenage girls will probably send me the rest of the way into psychosis. Won't those blog posts be fun?

5. If I see myself as a snarky Gandhi cat, imagine how other people see me. My husband and my girls spend a lot of time with me so they are used to my .... issues. Yeah, let's call them issues. I am pretty sure that most people think I am bat crap crazy. My mom must be like, "What have I loosed upon this earth?" And my siblings are probably thinking, "Kill it! Kill it with fire!!" I don't blame them for it. I blame me. I spend most of my time trying to fly under the radar, and then I get pissed when no one notices me except for when I show my snarky Gandhi catness.

6. I have a dark sense of humor. 70% of the things I say are sarcastic. They are specifically engineered to try and make someone laugh. Unfortunately, most people think I am being serious and a snarky pain in the rear. Sigh.... it is a real problem.

The whole thing has made me realize that people don't see you how you see yourself. I might not think I am that weird. Clearly, I am. I am cool with it. It took me almost seven months, but I am finally cool with it. I am sure there are more snarky Gandhi cats out there. I am sure they will read this and think, "Yes, yes, YES! That is it exactly!" Just like I am sure that there are some people who will get offended. (Probably my family.) I don't mean to offend you guys. Most of the time I don't get you either. That's okay. We're family. I don't have to get you. I love you despite your bat crap crazy ways. Just like I know you love me.

Snarky Ghandi Cat

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